Week 18 & 19. Self care, baby... all the way.

Last Monday was week 18 with Anjali. Reflected on my procrastination and what that's all about. Ya know, "they say" most people have some kinda trauma in our childhood that impacts us for the rest of our lives.. and I believe this to be true.

When I was little, I remember I used to come straight home after school and work on my homework. If a project was assigned, I was all over it and had it done super early. I zoomed through books and got my book reports done... and at some point, that totally stopped and I started procrastinating.  I think I've figured out why.

I lost my dad when I was 9, he passed suddenly. At that young age, I started taking responsibility for it and told myself "if I had been there, I could have saved him" and the self abuse started. There's no way I could have saved him, but I told  myself that anyways. I became extremely depressed and one day turned in something at school that was borderline suicidal sounding and my teacher told my mom - then I started therapy. I blamed myself for his death because I didn't save him. I believe this is when my codependency was born. I made it my subconscious mission to try and save everyone in my life I believed needed saving. The procrastination started because it was something I could do that would give me a reason to fuel the self abuse... when I got things done I felt good inside... and apparently, I didn't think I deserved to feel good anymore. I blamed myself for everything around me that caused me pain and obsessed with how to fix it all. Rather than focusing on me and the things I CAN control - like getting things done early and on time. Hmm.

Anjali asked if I thought I am an introvert or extrovert and do I know the diff? I thought I knew but she clarified - extroverts get energy and recharge from interactions with other people and introverts get energy and recharge in solitude, by being with ourselves only. While the recent alone time (while Ben working nights) has been hard to adjust to, not knowing what to do with myself and it feels odd, I'm realizing how healthy and helpful this alone time has been - I get to be with myself and work on ME and it's insane how different and BETTER I feel. I suspected I was an introvert and the last week has shown me how right I was.

Week 18 assignment: Take note of my pockets of solitude. Observe when I am completely alone and how often does it happen? How do I feel during that time? Just observe.


Since week 18's call, in the last week I accepted a challenge from my friend Dawn regarding self care.  Self care is the one department I struggle with the most.. always others before me. And I know this is dangerous and not how I can operate most efficiently - deep inside I know I cannot be the best version of myself if I don't actively practice self care.  I can give all of me away and keep nothing for myself and then I'm totally drained. We made commitments to each other to check in daily on the 30 risks in 30 days Pathways group we're in, sharing what self care acts we did for the day and what risk level they are.  I've decided that I am going to start copying and pasting my daily shares here on this blog for a couple of reasons - 1. It's reminding me of what I'm doing, how it helps me and why I need to keep it up and 2. If anything I share may inspire someone else, I wanna put it out there. We are not alone and I know others are more like me than I realize or see sometimes.


This morning was week 19's check in call. I shared with Anjali I noticed I get lots of pockets of time to myself, always in the shower and I drive alone a lot... the objective this week is to get a new focus and use this time to empower myself and recharge. (I'll share more on this in my post from today, Day 4 of self care challenge.)  We also discussed my thoughts and their vibrations.. with the Law of Attraction, I know I must raise my own vibration, what am I generating with my own thoughts and emitting to the world?  If I raise my vibration, the abundance will come. Worrying about money and how I'll pay for truck repairs lowers my vibe and keeps solutions at bay, a useless mental activity, worry is... instead, I must practice new mental exercises.  The old imprints are there, Anjali said... and it will take time to make new programming.


SELF CARE SHARES:

So here we go. 😉 after a good chat with Dawn Mathis, we agreed to do a new kinda 30/30, one involving self care and doing one thing every day, sharing it to each other. Figured we could post it here cuz as Dawn pointed out, self care is a risk for us. I am a machine that never turns off and I tend to keep going and going and never stopping to rest, treat myself or just be still. It feels weird. Like I should be doing something - there's so much to do! But I know I need to recharge, slow down, ground, be present and relax.

For the next 30, I'll post something daily, even the small things, to check in with my self care action of the day. I'll also post the risk level, gauged by my feelings of guilt and how uncomfortable I am, how hard the urge is to be doing something else, and how bad I tried to find excuses to not do this self care.

Day 1. Up at 7, a long day of food truckin, driving through Houston with no AC, and scrubbed the kitchen floor. In this heat. Pretty wiped when got home at 7:30.

Self care looks like: showered, jammies, couch with cats, pizza on way and Harry Potter marathon. After posting this, I'll be off the phone, no distractions, just me, pizza, kitties and Harry Potter.

RL 3. I'm so tired, this feels necessary. No objections here. Still a risk to get off the phone at night. ‪#‎phoneaddict‬

Anyone else wanna play? Join on in if self care is a challenge for you. I'm ready for the self lovin habits to stick. 

Day 2. Just had a cry on Benny's shoulder. Drama with truck today, wouldn't start, extreme anxiety, a simple fix (gear shift wasn't clickin into park) but discovered a bigger problem, a bad oil leak. 

😥 Today has been too much. I'm deeper in debt and the low sales tonight is discouraging. Questioning if the universe is trying to turn me away from this or testing my faith. I have big events coming up and a new employee starting next week... But I'm hella bad scared. Very thankful I caught Ben tonight before he left for work - I needed the hugs and reassurances. I've heard it so many times.. Restaurants don't make money the first year. I'm trying to chock it up to that and new business blues coupled with massive unexpected truck repairs... I gotta know the money is just over there. And it'll come. Don't give up.

I'm alone now, reflecting on the roller coaster of this day... This is food truck life. To survive it, I know I gotta stay flexible and positive, calm in the chaos.

Today's self care.. Writing about this day. About to take a hot shower and catch a movie before bed. Maybe some leftover pizza. Unplugging from phone. Telling myself today was ok. There'll be days like this. And it's not everyday. Being grateful the leak was found before I blew an engine. I hooped today. A lot. It's been a long time and it felt good.

Focusing on knowing life stuff happens and it's just stuff. I know the emotion I tie to events and circumstances deems them "good" or "bad" by my ego, which just wants to judge things and feel intense emotions. Being present tonight and reflecting on the stuff without emotion. RL 6

Day 3. Today was 100+ degrees and I was workin truck.. Holy shit it was hot. I made sure I drank tons of water and opted to not do any deep cleaning today. I needed to cool down.

I'm now showered and on the couch having some dinner with more Harry Potter.. But the urge to be doing something else is strong right now. Benny is home working tonight and I feel like I should be doing something. I feel guilty about my ass being on the couch while he's up doin his thing. But I know this is my down time and his up time. Focusing on being present, not hiding in this phone scrolling FB to distract from feeling like I should be crossing something off my list... Instead... I worked hard today. My body needs to rest and recharge. I put in my hard workin hours today. And it was enough. RL 5

Day 4. Morning started with taking Evelyn (my food truck) to mechanic to determine oil leak and fix before a bigger issue happens. Anxious and worried first thing this morning.

9 am call with coach Anjali.. Such a good check in. Last week my goal was to find pockets of solitude and take note of when I get to be alone and recharge (I'm an introvert and need alone time to reground and get energy)... Now I know when I get those moments and this week, the focus is to reset myself during those times. First, physically check in and relax any tension I'm carrying... Then relax it some more. Next focus on breathing and slow it way down. Then and only then can I set the course of my thoughts. I cannot force them to change without physically grounding first. To set the stage for clearer and more positive thoughts, I must first physically slow down and relax. A good exercise for me this week.

I had office meeting with girls today and we have a new meeting format:

Two word check in
3 minute share: what am I proud/happy about that happened this week, where am I struggling and what support do I need? (Could be work related or personal)
Pick education/training topic for next week

When it got to me, I shared my successes and struggles with truck this weekend, the anxiety I'm still working thru and working to let go and trust the universe... On the support I need I paused.. Couldn't think of anything but to say "I'm so tired." I am physically so beat from working in heat all weekend.. One said "do you NEED to do anything today?" "Seriously Court, we got this, go home and have a nap." "It can wait til tomorrow."

All 4 of them were kicking me out so I could take care of myself. Inside I was like "noooo I have so much to do!!" and in that moment I'm like "dude, they're right. They can support me right now so I can take care of myself." I agreed to leave but didn't leave for another 2 hours as I stood at my desk and went thru emails.. I hear them saying "she's still here!" and "woman, go HOME!" and I finally left at 3:30.

Got home, laid on couch, set alarm for 5:30 so I could hit Alanon at 6... Totally slept thru alarm and stirred awake at 7. Shocked I slept that hard and long but got up and made it to CoDA for 7:30 meeting and holy shit... it was powerful.

Between coaching call, a nap and my meeting, today was a VERY good day of self care. RL 5 for letting go of my urge to wanna keep working and listening to my support system.

I am looking forward to my solitude this week and using that time to relax every bit of me and setting the stage for the positive thoughts I want to think - the things in my control, how I want to be, my vibration, how I can let my light out, etc. I am what I think. Don't force positive thought, ask my mind if I can change my frequency and what would that look like? Then do it. 

Weeks 15, 16 & 17.. Time to purge and declutter this space I'm in.

This is about to be one helluva brain dump.

It’s been a long time. Too long. So long, today I reached a point where I’m seeing my procrastination as damaging, not working for me, creating more anxiety and stress and something I get to beat up on myself about. Writing this blog is one of those things I have on my daily list of “I need to do this, shoulda done it weeks ago, I see I keep putting it off, what’s one more day” stuff. These things are getting in the way of my serenity BIG TIME and it’s time to let them go.

I’m behind on posts, so I’ll back it up.

7/11/16, week 15.  

On our call, I told Anjali about this new book I got (after seeing a friend posting about it on FB) “The Joy of Less” and it’s been changing my world already.  The new goal this week was to start eliminating things.  Set a timer for 15 minutes 3xweek or discard one thing each day to trash or donate. Nothing too crazy – one drawer at a time, not trying to tackle a whole room. 

Also, resume meditating because I’ve completely stopped doing it. Anjali emailed me a google spreadsheet to log my 5 minutes of meditation each day and the time of day I did it. This has been going well and I’m keeping it updated. Also on the spreadsheet I put notes about what decluttering I did that day.  If I don’t keep it updated at least every 3 days, she will check in on me to keep me accountable – which is what I need, I perform better if I’m reporting to someone else. Supports me in keeping my integrity with myself.

Anjali noticed how I was beating myself up over the bedtime issue… cuz I still struggle with getting to bed by 10 or 11. Food truck life has my schedule all over the place and then I’m upset with myself for not being able to be in bed when I made my life so that’s not possible… how jacked is that? I am getting 6-8 hours of sleep a night, just not the ideal 8 hour time frame of 10pm-6am. I am mindful to practice self care with my sleep as often as possible – i.e. if I get to bed late and am able to sleep in til 8 or 9 to get in the extra hours, schedule permitting, I take that extra time and sleep.

My notes from this call:

• Learning to drive… did I start on the freeway or in an empty parking lot? Meditate a little each day. Start slow. 
• 3xweek purge something. Drawer, under bed, shelf, bathroom. Items I don’t use have stagnant energy and blocking the way of other things.
• Write blog! (and now that’s getting done.. see? Procrastinated on it 2 weeks, documented. LOL)
• My thoughts before taking action… anything negative? Find a positive energy. What do I want? Focus on THAT. Visualize. 
• Taking actions outside of myself that I’m not happy or proud of and say I want to change. Eating sugar... Saying I need to start exercising… if this is what I want, observe what INSIDE is triggering the action. What is the thought behind it? What do I want to accomplish or create for myself? The things outside of me don’t bring me relief. ****After lots of reflection on this, I’m starting to see what it is, I think… wanting to feel different. From a sugar rush or exercise endorphin release, there’s something inside wanting to feel different. Somewhere other than where I am, my current state or environment. Why? Not too sure... perhaps the belief that just BEING isn’t good enough? Sitting in the space I’m in isn’t adequate or fulfilling enough? Need to add some external actions to change how I feel, cuz this moment isn’t enough? Hmm. More to reflect on for sure. And there’s that “enough” word again. 
• When I worry about business, most often I see a drop in business. When stressed I don’t think as well, mind is fuzzy... and the stress repels things. I see it’s hard to let the energy flow and abundance come when my mind is all wrapped up in “what ifs”. 

7/18/16, week 16. 

Reflected back on the prior week… and I love how Anjali always says “so tell me what’s new and good” because it catches me and gets me to focus on positive things… most times, my brain is already in a “oh shit you didn’t do all your goals this week” and the self abuse has begun. She is so good to get me to focus on the WINs and not my damn toaster. (Not sure if I’ve blogged to y’all about what my toaster is… will share that sometime. Some of you know… in a nutshell, it’s the code word for how I single out the things that didn’t get done and hyper focus on them, rather than acknowledging and celebrating all the things I DID get done. I have a habit of making lists of epic proportions that aren’t attainable and set myself up to feel like a failure.) The purging went well this week, did my drawers and cleared out 2 garbage bags of clothes.  Didn’t purge one thing EVERY day, but that’s ok. I made progress. 

Notes from this call:

• Anjali pointed something out… every physical item has energy. When it’s not used or stored away, outta sight outta mind, that energy becomes stagnant and it blocks things from flowing in my life. I can TOTALLY feel that. Every physical item in my view demands attention. My eyes fall on it and I process what it is, where it came from, do I use it, will I use it, damn that’s dusty, I wonder if someone I know might want that, maybe I should donate that, and it goes on and on in lightning fast speed. But yet I walk on by it… without dusting it or using it, but my brain is still on it. This happens for me all day every day. Man, I should really organize that... or wipe that down… or, or, or… and all that does is drain my energy, add more stuff to the infinitely long list of things to do in the back of my head. I instinctually process my surroundings for safety and to be aware of what is in my space… and with all this stuff, it’s a LOT to process! Seeing how less STUFF will give my brain less to focus on!
• During meditation if my brain wants to think, focus on affirmations. I am peaceful. I am full. I am happy. Say them as if I am already, without anything from the outside. Focus on these thoughts.
• Morning ritual: Wake, drink 8-16 oz water, do morning yoga exercises to help with poo. Pooing is so important. I’m thankful that since I’ve gone mostly vegan, my poo is like clockwork each morning. (PSA: If you don’t poo every day, please see a doctor. Gluten or something else may be an issue for your guts, it’s healthy to poo daily.) Regardless of my regularity, Anjali pointed out it’s important for gut health to do these basic yoga poses to help with the flow. **Admittedly, the first week I watched the video she sent a few times, but didn’t do them – didn’t have the time before I needed to go! Lol.. we covered this again in next weeks’ call. 
• Blog: new – do 5 exercises. **See, AGAIN I made a note to get this blog done, and didn’t do it. Boy howdy, this procrastination has been intense!

7/24/16, week 17.

This was a tough call. I’ve started seeing all the chaos I’ve created in my life and how my commitments have been a total time vampire and I claim they are all consuming… but are they? Feels that way… been feeling resentful and wanting to pack it all up and do something drastically different, just to get away from all the stuff and the noise. The political climate has me very uneasy (to put it mildly) and my surroundings aren’t comfortable. The energy is thick and not a vibration I like. I’m scared of the future, really. I’ve been focusing on my own space and the things I CAN control in my world, to feel a little more secure and safe… and the desire to purge material things to free up space and energy, living more simply without all the visual stimulation of stagnant stuff I don’t use, these are external actions of “letting go”.. but Anjali dug deeper. What else do I need to let go of? Besides material stuff? If I want to let go of things and live with less, what I am trying to accomplish? How do I want to feel, having done all that? What’s my goal? When decluttering my bathroom this week, I stumbled across this little note card I got from an Al-Anon buddy. Oh how perfect the timing. It is now on my bathroom mirror for a daily reflection.

This is a very deep question that’s had my mind spinning all week. On the call, I could only think of a couple of things like services I’m paying for that I don’t use/need. Things I can turn off and save money… cuz ultimately, my goal is to be able to survive on very little because ideally, I won’t NEED a lot of money for anything. Sure, being totally financially set would be great and I can travel and never have to worry about bills… so I’m working my ass of NOW so I can retire early. (At least, that’s the idea… pay things off so I’m out of debt and only need a little money to maintain.. and enjoy retirement while I’m still young and able to do a bunch of stuff.) Other things I’m starting to see are clouding my energy space and my mind, blocking abundance and feeling free: Assumed obligations, things I feel I should take control of because I know I’m capable. (Just because I CAN, doesn’t mean I SHOULD. These things consume so much of my time.) Commitments I made that aren’t serving me. Agreements I subconsciously or consciously made with myself that now have me feeling anchored, suffocating. My obsession with other peoples’ lives and thinking up my own solutions to their problems (thankfully I have a 12 step program for that – Codependents Anonymous – and I finally got back to a meeting the same night as this call, it’s been months since I’ve gone to my meetings and OMG have I felt the difference. YIKES.)  I have so many thoughts and beliefs that really aren’t working for me anymore. SO many things to let go of, Anjali… so many. 

"Codependence is a deeply-rooted, compulsive behavior."  And I'm ready to let it go. Being back in a meeting was what I've been needing. I never should have left. Thankful to have found my way back, those meetings help in ways I can't explain. Those that know... 

Today is 7/31/16 and it’s the first day off I’ve had in awhile. Been going non-stop between insurance, BNI and Falacos for last several weeks and I’ve been exhausted. Mentally, physically, emotionally. Just kinda numb, really… Woke up today, had some coffee and continued reading “The Joy of Less” on the back porch for a couple of hours. Got inspired, purged some things, experimented with some chickpea donuts and sat and wrote a list of “looming things” I need to get done. Things that are important and I think about EVERY DAY, and beat myself up over because they are still undone. DAMN TOASTER AGAIN!! GAH!! After thinking about it, I changed the list name to “things I procrastinate on” because that is a truthful title without the negative connotation of “looming”.

Today I decided one of the things I need to let go of is procrastination… because it’s slowly killing my mojo and passion, thereby keeping me depressed. I’m overwhelmed to the point of short circuiting every day, living on the beat up bus and I just FREEZE. I get a “fuck it all” attitude and just want to check out and watch TV. I now know this is anxiety – the feeling of having a mountain of things to do and it being so heavy, I choose to do none of it to avoid it all. But it’s STILL THERE. There is no escape. My only solution is to start tackling this list one thing at a time, just like one drawer at a time, so I can be FREE. 

Accountability time… my list of “things I procrastinate on”… time to get real.

• Write blog
• Do the digestion yoga exercises daily
• Catch up Ben’s bookkeeping 
• Clean out my ckw email (it’s over 500 now, most of which I’ve read from phone just haven’t cleaned out outlook on work computer.)
• Declutter house, a little each day.
• Visit grandma
• Visit Vanessa (Ben’s older sister who’s fighting brain cancer right now)
• Turn off services I’m not using
• Meet with Fitz and get her all access to Farmers site and FB so she can do posts and manage content (but first, I gotta gather the info to give to her, that’s a step in itself).

This list overwhelms me because each thing will take quite a bit of time to do. The challenge is to let go of the statement “I don’t have time” and take ownership of “I don’t make the time”. Cuz that’s the truth. I get 24 hours a day, just like everyone else, and I choose what to do with it. Period. No excuses. 

Today, no toaster. I will celebrate the fact that I finished my book (it’s been FOREVER since I actually finished a book, start them but never finish) and I’m excited to start becoming more of a minimalist (hell, I wanna live in a tiny house and travel around in a school bus, so I better start parting with all this stuff!), I tried a new recipe, I made a VERY important list and have already knocked off the first thing on the list by sitting down and writing out this blog. BOOM. One day at a time. Slowly but surely, I will make change happen… and I’ll be happier. Tired of being on that beat up bus, so I must train my brain to celebrate, pat myself on the back and say “dude, you kicked ass today, look at all the great stuff you did!” and not focus on the rest of the list. Be realistic, Courtney. Yes, I own 2 businesses and I’m involved in a helluva lotta stuff and I somehow think time grows on trees… Easy does it. Eliminate. Create space and stop procrastinating. Or should I say (to keep it out of the negative) – I am peaceful and have good time management. I let go of things that don’t serve me. I am ok doing one thing at a time. I am happy with what I accomplished today. I am productive. I am free of worry and dread. I am full. I AM ENOUGH.

Big lessons and adventures in food truckin'..

Things I've noticed...

When I know I have a call with Anjali each week, I'm more inclined to do what I say I'm going to do because I will be checking in with her.  BUT, when we have a break, I am SO QUICK to return to old habits! WTH?!? Anjali is on a wonderful vacation right now and I committed to writing while she was gone... but I'll tell ya... this bedtime thing... yikes. Breaking the 'night owl' habit is challenging! And now I'm thinking about The Four Agreements and 'having integrity with my word'.. ARGH. I frustrate the hell outta myself when I don't keep my integrity with myself. Definitely the toughest agreement for me. Yay for challenges, right? lol

Did GREAT the first week when we started back - in bed by 10:30.  I was exhausted and was getting a good night's sleep from about 10:30-6 or 7 am, depending on the day. According to my sleep app, my sleep quality was 75%++.  I was getting 8 hours of sleep and feeling REALLY good.

Anjali had told me about the Ayurvedic Clock and how important it is to sleep between the hours of 10-6 am... 8 hours of sleep is not always the same, especially if it doesn't include the hours of 10-2am.  I have TOTALLY learned the reality of this.  One day this past weekend, went to bed at 1 am and slept til 9 am... got my 8 hours but holy cow, I was ZONKED trying to wake up in the morning! Same 8 hours but NOT the same 8 hours... there is something seriously important about sleeping during 10-2am.  If I stay awake during that time and instead get my deep sleep from 2-6 am, the grogginess waking up is really noticeable. This is the first time I've ever noticed it, probably because I've never been getting to bed that early before. Like, EVER. LOL... amazing what happens when I get good sleep at the right time of night.


Had a good exercise in staying present and NOT panicking this week. Poor Evelyn had some issues while on the way to a Falacos event...

My post from Facebook:

We had Swift Fleet Services come out Monday to investigate a dash light that kept popping off and on. Figures, it didn't show when Chad came to check us out. Nothing was popping up for him on computer, so no diagnosis.

Thursday, driving down 45, Evelyn decided to tank on us.. She shut down quick, at least we made it to the feeder road.

Taylor Pearl Bonola was ALL OVER IT and got us a wrecker ASAP and Chad on his way to check us out. Rather than towing her home, we towed her to The Millennium Waterway so we could still open for biz!

Chad came and got us fixed up - fuel pumps all ok, lines loose and dirty. He cleaned us up a bit and she fired right back up! YES!!!! New fuel filters are now installed and WE ARE GOOD!!!!

Taylor & Chad with Swift Fleet and Wyatt with AW Towing SAVED OUR ASS! THANK YOU GUYS!!!

Let's just say... sitting on the side of the road, blocking traffic, waiting on a wrecker and not knowing what was wrong with Evelyn was a great opportunity to FREAK OUT. I am pretty proud of myself for keeping it together and I telling myself "everything can be fixed, this too shall pass, roll with it".. and it DID. All over in less than 2 hours. WHEW!!!

I'm beyond grateful it was nothing major and we still got to be open for business. I never want to cancel on an event and we were determined to get there, even if we were late. I felt awesome about that - Falacos is committed to our venues FO SHO!

Panick, avoided... and now bedtime.. STILL AVOIDING. GAR!!!  Looking at the time now - time to go home, stop blogging and balancing the checkbook and get my butt in bed. :) See ya around town, gang!

Week #13? I think? We've skipped some levels... Time to be back on track.

On April 7, 2016 my world took a new direction. Falacos, our food truck, was born. It's been a wild and beautiful ride so far! I'm learning so much, in this new business and about myself.

I have to admit, all of the self-care work I was doing with Anjali before opening this food truck has gone completely out the window over the last two months. My schedule has been so off, working odd hours and trying to learn the flow of this new business, I've totally gotten off track with my weekly coaching. Two weeks ago, I started back with Anjali, and I'm so grateful 

Last week, we had a good chat about what's been going on for me and how I've been dealing with it all. I've been practicing no judgment, actively correcting my thoughts so as to not criticize myself for getting off track. I have a tendency to do that sometimes. I beat up on myself when I have behavior that I don't like. I was doing so well! But, life happens. Being gentle with myself is very important. No one else is criticizing me for losing track of my daily self-care activities but me. Time for that to stop. I'm back on track now, and that's what matters. 

Last week, we started with something simple. No more cell phone after 8 PM. I have a hard time unwinding and being present at home because I'm so plugged in doing work stuff catching up on social media, etc. There were days I was on the phone past 8 PM because I got home past 8 PM and I had business stuff to check up on, but those days are few and far between, thankfully.

This week, my goal was for me to get back on track with my writing of this blog. I wanted to be tracking my progress with the food truck and documenting things here, so I'm committed to be back writing about what's going on in my world.

The food truck life is been absolutely amazing, chaotic at times, but that's what I signed up for. I'm learning so much about this new business, planning, food prep, how much time it all takes, and it's been an awesome ride so far. Business is going well and people love the food, so I'm very very happy about that. The business aside, my mental state and anxiety has really been in the crapper. I have not been fully present during my day because my mind is in a million other places thinking and planning about what I need to do next.

For example, I recently cut myself on the truck doing food prep. I was in a rush, cutting vegetables and not really thinking about the task I was doing, my mind was somewhere else. As a result, I almost cut the end of my thumb off. It sucked! But it got my attention. And it got me thinking, if I was fully present and focused on whatever task it is I'm doing, how much more effective would I be at it? And maybe, just maybe, I would not hurt myself because I'm so mentally distracted. It was a huge wake up call for me. When I'm brushing my teeth, cutting vegetables, spending time with my family, I need to be fully there all the time, and not somewhere else in my mind.

Since the injury, I've been paying very close attention to what I'm thinking about and when I'm thinking about it and how often. For example, I just spent an amazing weekend out at Burning Flipside, a beautiful camping experience in the middle of the woods every memorial day weekend. It's very energizing and gives me a new perspective every time I go and I learn new things about myself. This time was no different. It was a hard exercise for me to not think about the food truck this entire weekend, and to be present there with my friends and enjoying the experience. Yes, I know I will be open again on Wednesday, and I have grocery shopping to do on Tuesday, but I can think about that then, not now. I am kinda obsessive about planning, I plan everything! It's not necessary! And I know this. I've been doing this planning and projecting stuff for so long, it's a hard habit to break! But I'm committed to doing it. If I allow myself the time I need in which to plan, and stick to it in that time, I don't need to think about it any other time. This is how I am working to stay present in each moment and not project and run lists through my head of things I need to do. I will get to them when I get to them, I don't have to do it all right now.

Something else Anjali has brought to my attention, on our call two weeks ago I was extremely tense and spun up at 9 o'clock on Monday morning, yammering on about happenings with the food truck. She gently reminded me that the work we're doing is for me to work on myself mentally and emotionally and spiritually, basically, not talk about work related stuff. She did a brief meditation with me, and totally got me grounded and centered for our phone call so I could think about the tasks that I need to be thinking about for myself. Not the food truck. I love how she can feel my energy through the phone and know whenever I'm not fully present. I'm so very grateful for our chats, she is definitely my accountability partner when it comes to my self care. Her coaching is wonderful because she makes sure that I'm taking care of me like I'm supposed to... not really sure why that is still so hard for me, and I know knowing the "why" is the boobie prize, so I'll just keep making these little changes to improve my state of mind and serenity.

I'm also so very grateful that I have a husband that keeps me accountable as well. There have been several days where I come home from work and I just vomit my day out on him and then keep thinking about work and talking about it. After this happening so many times, Benny let me know that he would really like it if when I'm home, I could be home, and not still doing work stuff. And he's right. I need to be home and I need to be resting and shutting my brain off. Which is exactly what Anjali is trying to get me to do! Benny has been great at helping me with little reminders about what time it is if I'm on the phone so I know to quickly get off, etc. I also asked my Falacos first mate, Daniel, to keep me accountable as well. When he sees me and my little energy tornado, I asked him to tell me "Courtney, take your head off"! And that's my signal to know that my brain is definitely somewhere else and I need to be fully aware and focus on what's in front of me. I know support is very crucial when wanting to make changes or create new things in my life. Asking the people around me that I spend all my time with to point out when I'm doing these behaviors I want to change, it will be very helpful for me.

Anjali and I had our call yesterday for this week and my new goal is to be in bed by 10 pm. Getting enough rest is a self care struggle I have - this little voice in my head has a little tantrum that says "but I don't WANNA go to bed early!" and acting on that voice and staying up late doesn't serve me well... It's time to take action and get my butt into bed because it's good for me. As busy as my world is, proper sleep to keep me energized is very important. Last night, I was asleep by 10:30 and I woke up at 8 feeling refreshed and so much better! Yes!! I love sleep. 

And on that note... It's past 10, time for bed. Sleep tight, my friends. :)

Week #10 - Recharged, back to nature and feeling present.

Back from an incredibly powerful weekend in Chicago - participated in the Basic Seminar of Pathways to Successful Living and I'm totally ON FIYAH!! I love the connection I feel and epiphanies I have during these seminars... It's indescribable. We are all humans, learning to live life to the fullest and how to get along together, loving each other from an accepting and compassionate place - and Pathways has taught me so much.  #Falacos wouldn't be happening if it weren't for #PathwaysSeminars.  That was a pivotal, life changing experience for me and I've had a fire lit inside of me ever since.  It's powerful beyond measure and I love sharing it with the people around me.

While in Chicago, we went exploring and I finally got to see "The Bean"!  It was too cool!!

Check in from last week:

• Keep up all routines - meditate each morning for 10-20 minutes, have breakfast of some kind, every day. Off phone and start wind down at 8 pm. Move to bed by 11:15, asleep by midnight.  The bedtime was way off this week but with travel, that was to be expected. Definitely had breakfast - something about exercising the mind and personal growth that makes me HUNGRY! 

• The new activity was to start meditating for 5 minutes before bed because while out of town at the seminar, my days are very full and my body is sometimes exhausted but my mind can't shut off and I don't sleep well out of town. This worked GREAT while I was on vacation - but then stopped doing it when I got home. DOH! That wasn't the goal, this was to be a new thing! LOL Realized this on our call this week and decided to make that my refocus this week going forward.  

I knew when I got home from Chicago it was gonna be GO TIME for my new food truck, Evelyn, and I reeeeeeally wanted to solve my "I need an employee ASAP" dilemma before I left.  Coach Bob advised me to stick with my circle and just put it out to people I know and see what happens.  I wrote out an employee vision describing all the qualities I wanted in a teammate (who I want to eventually run this truck) and posted it all around on some foodie groups on Facebook.  Some people shared it and I got an email from a very motivated individual. Long story short, I interviewed Daniel and hired him before I went to Chicago! YAHOO!!! Daniel totally rocks, loves eating clean and staying fit - and he's bilingual too, which was a bonus on my vision! Thanks, universe!!! :)  Had our first day of training on Evelyn last Friday - we are so stoked and ready to get cookin on this baby!!

Our big OPENING DAY is coming up on April 7th at the Farmers Market in Conroe!! I can't believe we are only a few weeks away!! We are planning to be at every Farmers Market in Conroe this year - always remember first Thursday from 4-8. :)

My birthday was March 15th, the day after I got home from Chicago. I came home to find such a wonderful gift - Benny had been working in the garden and it looks SO FINE!! We are totally gonna have a load of veggies this year and I am really excited about that!!  AND, my wisteria started blooming! Such a great birthday week!!

 

I let Anjali know my schedule is so full right now, I'm hesitant to take on a new task or focus for this week - I want to definitely refocus on the night-time meditation and make that a habit this week. She suggested something simple and awesome, and I've already started.

New goal for this week:

• Notice the end of my day.  If I start my day at 8 am or before and I end it at 6, that's a 10 hour day - and it's totally ok for me to turn it off and start my ME time from 6-10 pm. Again, we are working to get me in more alignment with the Ayurvedic clock, as much as possible. Late nights with Falacos will totally jack that up, but the idea is to just focus and ask myself "can this wait until 8 am tomorrow?" and if it can, TURN WORK OFF and enjoy my personal family time in the evening. I can do this. Last night, I became aware of 6 pm and even told my office mate "it's time for me to go".. however, I had important things to do that really couldn't wait (cuz I knew it was my only day in the office this week) and I stayed until 8 pm.  The PROGRESS for me tho, is that ordinarily, I would have stayed til 10 cuz I could have and there was stuff to do.  But that stuff could be delegated (so I did) or wait a few more days. Talk about growth for me! Today, I spent my day getting my Food Manager Certification for the City of Houston. Was home before 6, spent some time in the garden, jamming out this blog right now and then DONE! Time for family. 

A new affirmation: I own 2 businesses and I have a peaceful life.

Hell. Yes. If it's gonna be, it's up to me! I choose to be present and peaceful.  That's where it's at!

Week #9 - Travelling and new tasks.

Checking in a little early this week - leaving bright and early for Chicago to be of service and on staff for the March Basic class of Pathways to Successful Living Seminars. I will be all tied up on Sunday, so Anjali and I had our call today and I wanted to get this blog out before I left. :)

I love Pathways weekends - a super powerful recharge that gets my mind in alignment and my soul on FIYAH.  What would you do with an inspirational weekend that could change your life?  I was skeptical at first... now? HA!!! I'd pay 3 times the cost and do it all 10 more times, these results in my life are so amazing!  5 years ago, sad, depressed, negative, burnt out... today? LIMITLESS. If you've ever wondered where all my energy and light came from?  Highly recommend Pathways.. it's a game changer for those who are ready!!

Check in from last week:

• Healthy lunches. Well.... planning is EVERYTHING! As I shared in last Sunday's blog, I lacked groceries so I had a protein shake in lieu of lunch for a couple of days, finally got groceries on Saturday, forgot I had lunch appointment on Monday but still ate well - guacamole salad - and yesterday and today, both were hearty big salads for lunch. NO CRAP FOOD! That's PROGRESS!!! :)

In other Falacos news... WE HAVE A REVERSE OSMOSIS SYSTEM!!  Falacos now has the best drinking water on any food truck - and it ain't in plastic bottles!

 

Before our call this week, I was thinking up what would be good for me to have as a weekly goal, knowing I'm leaving town and didn't want to try and implement anything new and unrealistic... found it!

 

New goal for this week:

• Meditate before bed. I am steadily meditating 10-20 minutes each morning, but not at night before bed.  I will need to relax my mind each night during seminar, so this is a great time to start an evening meditation practice.  Anjali cautioned - not to say I'm going to do 10 minutes every night the first week - only start with 5 minutes.  I can do 5 minutes! 

 

This is really intriguing - I wasn't looking for results when I started meditating but I'm calmer now, move slower, less chaotic, quieter mind, more attentive and present... I didn't know these things were gonna happen but I'm super happy about it!!  Now that I've been doing it every morning for weeks to prime my day... things are shifting.  In my head, specifically. I wasn't looking for a certain result - I just started meditating. When I get beyond the voice and stay there for awhile, allowing the thoughts to pass by like dandelion seeds floating in the breeze... it's lovely.

 

 

A watcher. YES. Not the mind and all its thoughts - it's just a bodily function... To be the watcher and nothing else. Getting in the gap is where it's at!

 

Namaste, y'all!

Week #7 - Time for fuel.

This past week was pretty rockin. :) Super charged from my relaxing weekend, I've been feeling more chill, calm, present and happy. AMAZING what can happen when I get off technology and work on connecting with the earth.. it's like magic! We have veggies and herbs and I'm so excited. :)

Check in from last week:

• Morning routine - CHECK! In fact, spent 15-20 minutes meditating some mornings. Not planned but had the extra time, so took it! I love starting my day with a calming wake up time and no phone or email or FB... it sets the tone for the whole day!
• Bedtime alarm for 11:15. While I didn't have the alarm set every night, I stayed very aware of the time and I got in bed before midnight. Getting better sleep!
• Off phone by 8 pm. This wasn't perfect but HOLY COW, I am LOOOVING being off the phone! Just being present with the people in my space is a wonderful thing.. really enjoying being still and sometimes taking moments to think about absolutely nothing - cuz I CAN!!

Had another check in with the food truck, too... which, btw, she has a NAME!! Finally decided on Evelyn, naming her after my grandma - her name is Evelyn Colleen Barton.  She is so precious to me and I have lots of fond memories of us doing stuff in the kitchen together when I was little, so it seemed fitting. The burners are in, decals placed and will be applied, now just waiting on the wooden counter on the outside and it's GO TIME!!!

Will be travelling to Chicago this week, I'm on the March Basic staff for Pathways to Successful Living and I'm so grateful to be going - Pathways is my mojo recharge!! I get to be of service and support a class of students (who I was once) and also have the opportunity to do my own self work and grow over the weekend.  I always learn so much from the folks in the class - know how they say "others are a mirror of us"?  Well... that's very true. :)

New goal for this week:

• My morning routine has been going great and my nighttime routine is getting better - getting offa that phone was #1, such a distraction - so now we are going to focus on fueling my body better.  I've been having some form of breakfast each day, so now it's time to work on LUNCH. I checked my calendar when we had our call on Thursday, to see which days in the next week I already had reserved for lunch - all the rest would be eligible for my new lunch routine. Friday, Saturday, today, Monday and Wednesday were all available.  Admittedly, I lacked proper groceries to have a decent lunch on Friday and Saturday (went to store last night) but I DID have a protein shake both days and that was a new behavior! Better than my usual habit of nothing, lol, so I'm glad to say I got something in my system. Got salad fixins at the store last night so today, Monday and Wednesday are all on schedule for a healthy lunch! Amazing what happens when I plan and get the stuff I need for my goal and just focus on a week at a time. THAT'S MANAGEABLE! :)

Self care has been my focus throughout this journey and I know eating proper meals is a big part of good self care.. I admit - I am lazy when it comes to food prep on a daily basis. LOL... oh the irony - I'll cook for other people but lazy when it comes to cooking for myself. :) This is a new behavior for me and a big deal - I need ENERGY with this new business I got goin on! 

Time to get back out to my garden - daylight is burnin!!