Sunday, February 21, 2016

Week #5 - Getting off my phone is a new thing.

I am loving this. Every week I'm seeing something new and it's so fascinating. Thank you Anjali, for encouraging me to do this and keep a record of it... this weekly exercise keeps me in constant reflection and staying open to the lessons happening all around me and within me. It's crazy wild, sometimes!

Check in from last week:
  • All the morning routines are consistent and going well. 10 minutes of meditation is starting to go by in a flash and one morning, I set my alarm for 8 more minutes because I had the time and wanted to keep going.
  • Breakfast everyday.
  • Bedtime before midnight also going well. Time to start rolling it back.
  • "No judgment" is a constant reflection. When I speak, am I adding to the conversation? Is it my ego wanting to interject an opinion? Does it matter or help the situation? When a conversation triggers any emotion inside of me, I notice the urge to want to say something. Why is that? No judgment, only observing. Interesting. Does what I want to say, do or change anything? What is my motive in wanting to say it? Hmm. 
And then I wonder about this here blog... lol... contradiction, much? Well, I guess it would depend on my motive. First, I'm writing this for me. I make it public because I hope it might inspire someone to go after their dreams and take action to shape their life into more of what they want... because anyone can do it. Anjali is helping me on my spiritual journey right now, becoming more in tune with myself and the world and I'm making the changes I want to see in my life. If any of you want to work with Anjali, I highly recommend you contact her for a consult. She is truly amazing.

Anjali Gadre
Inner Bliss Studio, Yoga and Wellness Studio

On our call this week, Anjali suggested we really focus on my night time routine and examine my whole "I seem to go to bed no earlier than 3 hours after I get home" thing.. if I'm home at 9, I'm in bed at midnight never before, sometimes later. 

Anjali explained to me the Ayurvedic clock, the idea of the three doshas - vata, kapha and pitta - and how they are the cycles of our day. Here's a great blog explaining how they work. This makes so much sense to me... and why I always have a second wind after 10 pm...and wanna eat. I'm back in pitta again. I want to get more in balance on this... cuz right now, I'm kinda outta whack.

The primary focus this week:
  • Off the phone completely from 9-10 pm. Don't touch it.
Friday was our call and admittedly, I totally spaced the new exercise Friday night. Almost forgot it again last night, but then something really kinda amazing happened that got my attention... I had a panic attack sitting on my couch.

Long story short, I caught a picture of the new sign going on my food truck - and I was ELATED!!! Extreme joy and excitement exploded inside of me and I was giddy as could be - the logo looked AMAZING! That sign is SO FINE!!!! I loved it so hard... and then I noticed something was off. A pepper was out of place. 

My intense joy, anticipation and excitement turned on me.  It suddenly slammed into a paralyzing fear and anxiousness - OH SHIT, I'VE GOT TO TELL HIM HIS BEAUTIFUL SIGN ISN'T QUITE RIGHT. Oh, nooooooooo. I couldn't breathe, my mind went fuzzy and I had this overwhelming fear and dread... so many thoughts all at once and it was all I could do to keep breathing. I knew I was going to have to say something and I was terrified... I didn't want to hurt his feelings. I didn't want it to cost anyone anymore money. OMG, how much would that cost to redo? Holy shit, I can't believe this, it's so amazing, and I have to tell him something is wrong with it. OH SHIT.  

Needless to say, I was in full panic mode. All the while, this voice in the back of my head kept saying "hey, this isn't the end of the world, just accept this right now and you'll feel better. yes you have to tell him. it will be ok"... and I focused on that voice. Accept this, Courtney, accept it. It is what it is. 

I picked up the phone to text him.. told him how much I loved the sign and eventually said "I hate to say this.. but..." and I explained what was up. Woooooooo let it goooooooooo, Courtney. Woooosaaaaaaaahhhhhhh. 

Zack said he will check it out on Monday and my worry instantly subsided... the voices started saying "hey, it could be an easy fix, think positive thoughts, let it go, let the professional handle it." Yes... I think I will.

I set that panic down and it switched off just as fast as it showed up. CRAZY. I think that was the most bizarre emotional roller coaster I've ever been on and the whole thing happened in about 10 minutes. I am fascinated by this... so much so, I busted out laughing when the fuzz went silent and it was all over... my mind is a powerful thing. Observing emotion is a new thing for me and it's pretty neato, I gotta say..

About this time, I realized it was 9:30 and I immediately told Ben about my new task. My hour of 'no phone' began. This exercise is in alignment with our new relationship vision, too (we are working to write out the whole thing - positive affirmations for our relationship and things we want to create) because one of the things on my list is "we spend quality time together, everyday." This hour of no phone would make the space for us to have that quality time. Benny supported me by staying off his phone, too.

We laughed at all the times during that hour we reached for our phones because we thought to text someone or wanted to check a message or look something up.

I also noticed in that hour how relaxed I became and thought "Anjali, you are so smart - you're getting me to wind down and get that electronic stimulation outta my face when I'm about to be entering pitta and it's time to go to sleep"... and it totally worked. That phone keeps my brain turned on, scrolling Facebook, watching videos, reading articles and blogs... wow. It keeps me up and into pitta and then I'm totally okay with being up until midnight. If I don't get off that phone, it's likely I'd never get to bed any earlier. Although last night, we stayed up and continued talking until midnight and was in bed by 12:30... on a Saturday night? That's a huge improvement. Usually, I'm in bed at 2 am on a Saturday night.

I will keep up the "no phone from 9-10 pm" and spend that hour with Benny.
Quality time.  It's what I want, so... I think I'll make that happen. :)

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