Wednesday, June 1, 2016

Week #13? I think? We've skipped some levels... Time to be back on track.

On April 7, 2016 my world took a new direction. Falacos, our food truck, was born. It's been a wild and beautiful ride so far! I'm learning so much, in this new business and about myself.

I have to admit, all of the self-care work I was doing with Anjali before opening this food truck has gone completely out the window over the last two months. My schedule has been so off, working odd hours and trying to learn the flow of this new business, I've totally gotten off track with my weekly coaching. Two weeks ago, I started back with Anjali, and I'm so grateful 

Last week, we had a good chat about what's been going on for me and how I've been dealing with it all. I've been practicing no judgment, actively correcting my thoughts so as to not criticize myself for getting off track. I have a tendency to do that sometimes. I beat up on myself when I have behavior that I don't like. I was doing so well! But, life happens. Being gentle with myself is very important. No one else is criticizing me for losing track of my daily self-care activities but me. Time for that to stop. I'm back on track now, and that's what matters. 

Last week, we started with something simple. No more cell phone after 8 PM. I have a hard time unwinding and being present at home because I'm so plugged in doing work stuff catching up on social media, etc. There were days I was on the phone past 8 PM because I got home past 8 PM and I had business stuff to check up on, but those days are few and far between, thankfully.

This week, my goal was for me to get back on track with my writing of this blog. I wanted to be tracking my progress with the food truck and documenting things here, so I'm committed to be back writing about what's going on in my world.

The food truck life is been absolutely amazing, chaotic at times, but that's what I signed up for. I'm learning so much about this new business, planning, food prep, how much time it all takes, and it's been an awesome ride so far. Business is going well and people love the food, so I'm very very happy about that. The business aside, my mental state and anxiety has really been in the crapper. I have not been fully present during my day because my mind is in a million other places thinking and planning about what I need to do next.

For example, I recently cut myself on the truck doing food prep. I was in a rush, cutting vegetables and not really thinking about the task I was doing, my mind was somewhere else. As a result, I almost cut the end of my thumb off. It sucked! But it got my attention. And it got me thinking, if I was fully present and focused on whatever task it is I'm doing, how much more effective would I be at it? And maybe, just maybe, I would not hurt myself because I'm so mentally distracted. It was a huge wake up call for me. When I'm brushing my teeth, cutting vegetables, spending time with my family, I need to be fully there all the time, and not somewhere else in my mind.

Since the injury, I've been paying very close attention to what I'm thinking about and when I'm thinking about it and how often. For example, I just spent an amazing weekend out at Burning Flipside, a beautiful camping experience in the middle of the woods every memorial day weekend. It's very energizing and gives me a new perspective every time I go and I learn new things about myself. This time was no different. It was a hard exercise for me to not think about the food truck this entire weekend, and to be present there with my friends and enjoying the experience. Yes, I know I will be open again on Wednesday, and I have grocery shopping to do on Tuesday, but I can think about that then, not now. I am kinda obsessive about planning, I plan everything! It's not necessary! And I know this. I've been doing this planning and projecting stuff for so long, it's a hard habit to break! But I'm committed to doing it. If I allow myself the time I need in which to plan, and stick to it in that time, I don't need to think about it any other time. This is how I am working to stay present in each moment and not project and run lists through my head of things I need to do. I will get to them when I get to them, I don't have to do it all right now.

Something else Anjali has brought to my attention, on our call two weeks ago I was extremely tense and spun up at 9 o'clock on Monday morning, yammering on about happenings with the food truck. She gently reminded me that the work we're doing is for me to work on myself mentally and emotionally and spiritually, basically, not talk about work related stuff. She did a brief meditation with me, and totally got me grounded and centered for our phone call so I could think about the tasks that I need to be thinking about for myself. Not the food truck. I love how she can feel my energy through the phone and know whenever I'm not fully present. I'm so very grateful for our chats, she is definitely my accountability partner when it comes to my self care. Her coaching is wonderful because she makes sure that I'm taking care of me like I'm supposed to... not really sure why that is still so hard for me, and I know knowing the "why" is the boobie prize, so I'll just keep making these little changes to improve my state of mind and serenity.

I'm also so very grateful that I have a husband that keeps me accountable as well. There have been several days where I come home from work and I just vomit my day out on him and then keep thinking about work and talking about it. After this happening so many times, Benny let me know that he would really like it if when I'm home, I could be home, and not still doing work stuff. And he's right. I need to be home and I need to be resting and shutting my brain off. Which is exactly what Anjali is trying to get me to do! Benny has been great at helping me with little reminders about what time it is if I'm on the phone so I know to quickly get off, etc. I also asked my Falacos first mate, Daniel, to keep me accountable as well. When he sees me and my little energy tornado, I asked him to tell me "Courtney, take your head off"! And that's my signal to know that my brain is definitely somewhere else and I need to be fully aware and focus on what's in front of me. I know support is very crucial when wanting to make changes or create new things in my life. Asking the people around me that I spend all my time with to point out when I'm doing these behaviors I want to change, it will be very helpful for me.

Anjali and I had our call yesterday for this week and my new goal is to be in bed by 10 pm. Getting enough rest is a self care struggle I have - this little voice in my head has a little tantrum that says "but I don't WANNA go to bed early!" and acting on that voice and staying up late doesn't serve me well... It's time to take action and get my butt into bed because it's good for me. As busy as my world is, proper sleep to keep me energized is very important. Last night, I was asleep by 10:30 and I woke up at 8 feeling refreshed and so much better! Yes!! I love sleep. 

And on that note... It's past 10, time for bed. Sleep tight, my friends. :)

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