Sunday, January 31, 2016

Week #2 - No judgment 2.0, learning to make adjustments - 5 minute meditation

Had a powerful check in call with Anjali this week.  She says "So tell me what's good!" ...and I chose my words carefully so as to just state the facts and what I observed, without judging the hell out of myself for my results. :)

Last Week Objective: 
  • Wake up at 6 am and have a glass of warm water. 
  • NO JUDGMENT. Practice catching myself when I use words to describe what I do/don't do - am I judging or observing? Also observe my schedule of wake, work, eat, rest, sleep.
  • Be in bed by 11:30. 

About the 11:30 bedtime... Well, I've noticed some things.

I start making my way towards bed at 11:30... meaning, brush teeth, feed the cats, grab laundry, get water, pee... and then I'll be in bed by 12.  I have been using the sleep cycle app every night and this has been a GREAT tool because I'm tracking what time I ACTUALLY get into bed.  To keep me from playing on Facebook, as soon as I hit the bed, the sleep app goes on and phone is set on nightstand.  I track exactly when I get into bed and what time I wake up. 

So, funny story…. it's last Monday night and I’m tossing and turning, 12:30-1am, not falling asleep, mind reeling asking myself:

“What’s the deal, Court? Bedtime is 11:30, why aren’t we getting to bed on time? What’s the deal with that? OMG, I have ANXIETY right now over not going to sleep on time and now I can’t sleep! GAH!! WTF is the deal? OMG This is so fucking stup – GAH – NO JUDGMENT!!!”  

It was in that moment, I GOT IT. This isn’t about me getting to bed consistently every night at 11:30… the deeper lesson in all of this is how I talk to myself. When I don’t succeed, what does my inner voice do and say to me? So I can’t fall asleep right now, that’s ok. So I didn’t make 11:30 tonight, that’s ok – so long as I observe, take note of what had me late, accept I didn’t make 11:30, ask myself what I can do differently next time and above all, NOOOOO JUDGMENT.  

In Pathways I learned my purpose is to create a patient and loving world by teaching others acceptance and compassion.  Those 4 words are so impactful for me.  Patience, love, acceptance and compassion – I DESERVE THAT FROM ME FIRST.  I’m not gonna master this “no judgment” thing right off the bat… practice makes better, accept what I’m doing without judgment, practice compassion for my mis-steps as I am not gonna get it perfectly every time, and loving myself all the way through.

I explained all of this to Anjali and she was happy to hear that I was seeing that deeper lesson... cuz really, that's what it's all about. Everything we do, everything we are... it's all broken down to one very core level - our relationship with ourselves and how peaceful and loving THAT is. It drives everything else in our world.

Other observations.. I'm not up at 6 am every day. My brain tells me I can sleep longer if I don't have a 7:30 am appt. Rather than hitting snooze for 30-45 minutes, we agreed to re-adjust this goal also. Warm water still all good, that's daily.

NEW Weekly Objectives:
  • Bedtime ALARM set on phone for 11:15. Start process of 'getting ready' for bed - wash face, brush teeth, do cats, get water, etc - and goal is to be IN bed at 11:30. Sleep app on, asleep before 12. Progress not perfection. No judgment. Getting Ben's support on this also to keep me accountable.
  • Depending on morning schedule, alarm will be set for 6 or 7 am. If I am able to sleep until 7, set alarm for 7 so will sleep soundly up til 7. Working to find the right solution to get me off this snooze button usage.
  • When wake, get water and brush teeth, then set timer on phone for 5 minutes of meditation. We are starting small with realistic, attainable, bite size changes.

Other thing I noticed... Friday and Saturday nights have been exempt from this bedtime/wake up schedule thing. I've always liked staying up late those nights and then sleeping in the next day. I realized, with the upcoming launch of Falacos, those are going to be late nights anyways... so it's kinda a good thing I am already used to being up late. :)  For now, staying up late has looked like COLORING. I'm soooo in love with coloring in my coloring books before bed.  Very relaxing and meditative. And pretty. :)

In Falacos news, I went down to see the truck the week and met with my buddy Chris with Genisoft to see about installing a reverse osmosis water filtration system in the truck so I always have SUPER clean drinking water for my infused waters, cooking, etc and never have to worry about a bottled water service. Zack says the truck will be ready in 2-3 weeks - HOLY CRAP!!! It's GO TIME!! Once the truck is finished, I will be spending 3-4 weeks getting the truck ready and practicing cooking EVERYTHING in the truck, before I go anywhere public. Lots to do!! Feeling excited and ready!

1 comment:

  1. Awesome post Courtney. Always give yourself permission to circle around and try again! None of us are perfect and we all need practice :)